He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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