Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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