Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
