is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
