Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
