Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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