she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
