What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
