In the future we'll all be gay
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
