For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
