he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
