exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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