last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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