I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
