It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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