he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
