Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So many bounce houses so little time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
