You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
