This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
