WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
