I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
