I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
