I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize