Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
