I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
