did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
