Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
