i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
