So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
