that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
