That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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