I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the day after is always just damage control
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
