I have demons in me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
