please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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