Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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