It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
