Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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