So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
