Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
