im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
