After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
