he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
