He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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