i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
