I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she pinky promised me she was 18
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
