after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
