You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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