so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
