Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
