The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
