my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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