I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
