I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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