fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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